Experience: I now believe in unicorns
Subjects: Kayla, Myself, And some golf caddies in town for a tournament
Tinder Tagline: “30 years old and traveling the world” (This was for the one we found on Tinder we will call Drew)
So I knew the day would come that Kayla and I would be talking to the same person on Tinder, this day was last Wednesday night. We both had struck up a conversation with Drew, a golf caddie that was in town for only a short time. Kayla and I told him he was talking to both of us and he invited us to hang out at the house they had all rented for the week they were here.I relinquished Drew to Kayla so there would be no debate when we got there. We got ready and headed out of the house. He had given us the address and we ended up at an empty lot courtesy of my Waze App. I thought we were being stood up when Kayla plugged the address into her Iphone and it said we were two miles away, I think if we had taken it as being stood up and called it a night we would have been better off. We got to the house it was pouring down rain and we walked up huddled under and umbrella. There was a man standing on the porch smoking who told us Drew was inside.
We walked in on what looked like a frat vacation, there were 5 guys sitting around a coffee table playing dice for money and drinking disgusting bud light. We said hello and were introduced to all of them. One of the guys looked almost exactly like my ex-husband, I thought it was disgusting but ironically I was drawn to him. We will call the Ex look-alike Sam. We all sat around making small talk, drinking crappy beer and wine, and watching the basketball game that was on. The combination of pounding crummy alcohol so I didn’t have to taste it ,and the boredom of the basketball game caused my drunken alter ego to begin to emerge. As much as I tried to contain her she was coming in full force and I was doomed.
Let me take a minute to share a little about the Drunken Twenty Something. She has no filter, all class seems to go out the window when she is around, no boundary can’t be pushed and she is invincible in all she does. Her favorite hobby is creating games where people get naked and so this is what happened next……
Drunken twenty something decided to get a game of 4,5,6 going. The rules where the lowest score of each round lost an article of clothing, while the highest score could either take or give an article from anyone including themselves. I was going to win, I had it in the bag, I had played this game my entire life. Well experience means nothing in a game of chance, the drunken me did not realize this. So it came down to me and Sam sitting there stark naked, Kayla lost her sweater and bra; Everyone else was pretty much fully clothed. Eventually the game got boring and we called it quits. Sam, one of the other guys and I stepped outside to smoke. We were laughing joking and having fun when someone mentioned that Sam had a girlfriend. We had been flirting most of the night and the drunken me decided to take this as a challenge. I was going to make out with this guy, maybe more, who knows the drunken me had no limitations or self-respect. It was on!
Back in the house Kayla and Drew (who seemed to be really out of it) were hitting it off the best two people can when one of them had smoked themselves into oblivion. So eventually all of the others in the house were headed to bed and It was Kayla, Sam, Drew and I. We all hung out for a bit and before long Kayla and Drew headed to the bedroom. This left Sam and I sitting on the day bed that doubled as a couch. We started making out ( I know I am such a damn whore, please understand that the drunken me is uncontrollable) one thing lead to another and we started to fool around. Well my whoreness did not last long because I barely touched his cock and he came…..Yup just like that. It was awkward and horrible and he then asked if I still wanted to fuck. Yes his exact words, oh he was such a refined gentleman. I said no and waited for Kayla to emerge from the bedroom………..and I waited…..and I waited….
Eventually we had both passed out. I woke up at about 5 am with Kayla yelling my name I jumped up and threw what clothing was off on as quickly as possible. Grabbed my purse, my coat, I turned awkwardly to Sam who was sitting on the couch and said, “um yea, so bye”; and Kayla and I got the hell out of dodge as quickly as possible.Once outside the house we both yelled “Oh my fucking God!” and began to go off about what had happened, with very little concern for the fact that we were still within ear shot of the house. Kayla had apparently had a similar experience…..
This was a life lesson, I will never allow my drunken self to get me into a minute man situation ever again. If you have someone who you can have consistently great sex with do not do anything to jeopardize it and why look elsewhere when amazing is right in front of you.
The kicker was when Drew sent Kayla a message on Tinder later that day it read:
Drew: “What was your favorite part of last night”
Kayla responded with “Well….” right before Agatha took the phone, I love Agatha she always knows the right thing to say……
Agatha Responding for Kayla: “The best part (because I did not enjoy your cock at all or get off in any way) was learning that fairy tales can come true, just like unicorns I didn’t believe that one-minute men were real. Then I met you, Awesome!
I had wanted to say something the minute we left and so once Agatha had opened the flood gates I sent Drew a message via Tinder as well….
Me to Drew: ” The results of last night are in and astonishingly making women believe in unicorns is a renowned caddie trait”
Needless to say I never received a response, Kayla was deleted from Drew’s Tinder account and we are trying to cope with the fact that they are no longer interested in us…..We are heartbroken and devastated 😉