The Three French Men

Experience: The Invasion of  the French

Subject(s): Myself, Agatha, Bethany, Kayla, Jeremy, Bruno, Arthur, Stacy, and Jenny

I woke up this morning with a pounding headache, mascara smeared across my face, on my couch with a strange man. A strange French man to be exact……

I came home last night to a house full of people, all of my roommates were home as well as three French men they had met on Tinder and invited to the house. It was 11 at night I was so confused when I walked into the house and had no idea what was going on. Agatha came running into my room shortly after I got in there and exclaimed,”They’re French, get out here and hangout with us, don’t ask questions!”. So I went into the living room, grabbed a glass of wine and joined the mixer taking place in my house. When they finally admitted they were from the lovely Tinder I was completely intrigued.

The wine was flowing everyone was chatting it up and having a great time. The  French men and I were the only smokers and went out for a cigarette. They were in town for only one night,traveling through California for 30 days and looking to have a good time. When we returned from our cigarette break Agatha asked me,”If you had to pick one who would it be?”. I looked around ,none of them were really that cute to me; one was pretty decent looking (Jeremy) so I said,” Him.” pointing to Agatha’s left where he was sitting. He heard me, there is nothing worse in this world then a man knowing he has a chance not matter how slight it is.

Shortly after Agatha asked Jeremy sat closer to me and actually carried a conversation with me aside from the drunken banter everyone was taking part in. Agatha poured everyone shots, we took them and Jeremy asked if I wanted to go out to smoke. I, said,”sure” grabbed my jacket and boots then we headed out to the patio. I was slightly tipsy at this point but still very in control of myself unlike Kayla who had drunk herself into oblivion before I even got home. Once we were outside he turned on the charm, BIG TIME! It’s funny how someone who hardly spoke at all changes their game when they think they might get laid. Suddenly he was asking about me, brushing my hair off my shoulder, and looking me dead in the eye when I spoke. French men are no different then American men in that aspect, saying what they think you want to hear, flattering you every chance they get regardless of the stupidity in their comments, trying to make you feel as though they could give you the world all for a chance to stick their Eiffel Tower in your American soil. Once back in the house the ladies started dropping like flies, Agatha and Bethany went to bed followed by Stacy and Jenny. That left Kayla, myself and the three French men….

Speaking in French they began to coordinate their master plan and that’s when Kayla could no longer manage her drunken state.  I went into super wing woman mode. “She needs this twenty something, DO something!” , with that thought I played into Jeremy’s interest to save the day. There was only one huge flaw with my master plan. See my thinking was keep them all here and Kayla can have her pick, that was far from how it actually went.

Kayla was toasty, she was getting loud and crazy and despite her desperate desire to get laid she was going to blow any chance. That’s when I realized the plan of the French men. Bruno was going to leave Jeremy and Arthur here. YIKES! Two boys two girls you do the math, this was not part of my plan. See my thought was I could entertain Bruno and Jeremy while Kayla and Arthur slipped away.  As long as all three of us were there Jeremy would behave and Kayla could get hers. So in the midst of the coordination process Jeremy asked if we had anything non-alcoholic, I said yes and he followed me into the kitchen.  As I reached to grab a glass out of the cabinet he reached out and grabbed my hips. In trying to be a good wing woman I brushed him off giggled and moved slightly further away from him. I needed to get the ball rolling so that I could break away into my room and Kayla could slip into hers with Arthur. I called Kayla from the living room told her I was tired and we should all go to bed.

Once I wrangled Kayla into her room, I said goodbye to the leaving Bruno and went to get my pajamas on. I would sit and talk to Jeremy until Kayla and Arthur were done then push them out the door, cake! I could hear Arthur and Kayla getting crazy and was so releaved! Mission Accomplished! Now I just need to find an exit strategy and I can be in my bed asleep in no time.

Well that was not how it happened! Jeremy would not go down without a fight! We sat talking, he continually tried to kiss me and when I turned my cheek he went fo my neck. Exhausted and fed up I finally looked at him and pretty much yelled, ” I am not having sex with you!”( did I mention that I had been drinking all night as well, I wasn’t Kayla toasted but I was drunk). His response was, “Well I didn’t say you had to, you’re a beautiful amazing woman and I just want to enjoy your company”. What a damn line! Ugh! You’ve known me for all of 4 hours and some how you know I am an amazing woman? Give me a break! At some point during the battle of wits that took place for most of the night I fell asleep.

I woke up on my couch, completely disoriented as to where I was, with a splitting headache and thoroughly annoyed! Until Kayla came out of her room. She was happier than I had seen her in a long time! See here is the thing Kayla is newly single as well. She had a dick of an ex that treated her like hell. Although we don’t always see eye to eye she is one of the kindest most caring people I know and she has a huge heart. Her problem is she let’s her insecurities bring her down. She has a done a lot for me and spending one night fighting off a horny French man was totally worth it to see her excited. Her goal this year was sexual freedom and I think the invasion of the French was a great way to start!

9 thoughts on “The Three French Men

  1. Pingback: The Three French Men | TinderNews

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